The 2008 American Music Awards

The Grammys are based on the critical acclaim of the academy and reek of prestige, the Billboard Awards are based on cold hard facts and are hard to argue with, and then there are the American Music Awards. It's not like winning an AMA is a bad thing, but it's probably the lamest of the "big three" awards shows. Still, the folks at the AMAs were able to put on a tremendous show and effectively take a snapshot of what popular music was all about in 2008.

Christina Aguilera opened the show with a medley of hits. In seven minutes she managed to change her outfit no less than six times. It wasn't even like she just kept taking layers off either! She took a vest off, added a skirt, and even managed to put a top hat on! Not exactly what I call 'keeps gettin' better' and if she thinks this performance can save her doomed greatest hits collection that opened #9 on its first week on the charts, she's got another thing coming.

New Kids On The Block took to the stage and I was embarrassed for them. How old do you have to be before synchronized dancing doesn't suit you anymore? Luckily, Jimmy Kimmel announced that this was the youngest AMAs ever. Miley Cyrus celebrated her 16th birthday by singing about how obsessed everyone is with her life. The performance and general feel of her whole segment oozed of Britney Spears circa 2000. Tabloid barons are foaming at the mouth for the next Annie Leibovitz photos or a juicy sex scandal with David Archuleta.

Since it is the end of the decade, I've been waiting for the new teen pop explosion since they tend to come in ten year cycles. It wasn't until last night that I realized that we were already in the midst of it. Besides Cyrus and Archuleta, the Jonas Brothers performed (as well as continued to be the butt of all jokes by Kimmel), as did Taylor Swift. While this decade's models of teen sensations lack the subtle sexuality of their predecessors, they seem destined for long, healthy careers.

Coldplay brought along their set off the Viva La Vida tour, falling paper butterflies included, for "Lovers In Japan". I can't even explain how much in love with Coldplay I am at this point. They were followed by a bored looking Mariah Carey who sang another lame song off of E=MC2 and reminded everyone how mismanaged this album campaign has been. At least she still looks good in her trademark skin tight black dress and high heels.

Rihanna was on board to support her umpteeth single off of Good Girl Gone Bad, and the funny thing is, after doing all the re release songs, she's gone back to do "Rehab", a Justin Timberlake leftover that was on the album's original release. As always, Riri was fashion forward, sporting a sexy spiky outfit and a emerald encrusted pirate patch. After last week, that might not be the best idea.

Also fashion forward, but in his own unique way, Kanye West took to the stage in a colorful track jacket to perform "Heartless". He won some awards so he didn't throw a fit and he didn't dress up like an angel and ascend into heaven or anything. He was actually pretty humble the whole night...relatively. He reminded everyone that he is the next Elvis and Jimmy Kimmel reminded West that Elvis died on the toilet from a drug OD with a jelly doughnut in his hand. Kanye may be the new Elvis but, he conceded, "we" are the next Beatles.

Winners:
Artist of the Year: Chris Brown (who himself acknoledged that Coldplay should have won. Couldn't have said it better myself)

Pop/Rock Male Artist: Chris Brown
Pop/Rock Female Aritst: Rihanna

Pop/Rock Band/Duo/Group: Daughtry

Pop/Rock Album: As I Am Alicia Keys

Country Male Artist: Brad Paisley

Country Female Artist: Taylor Swift

Country Band/Duo/Group: Rascal Flatts

Country Album: Carie Underwood Carnival Ride

Rap/Hip-Hop Male Artist: Kanye West

Rap/Hip-Hop Female Artist: Apparently this is no such thing

Rap/Hip-Hop Band/Duo/Group: Three 6 Mafia

Rap/Hip-Hop Album: Kanye West Graduation