Britney Spears Needs to Fire Max Martin

If you thought Britney Spears was on the road to being taken seriously, think again. Only two albums after her first hits compilation, Spears is ready to drop The Singles Collection later this year featuring her biggest hits and a brand new track, the Max Martin penned "3".

Max Martin was once one of the world's great pop songwriters. Like a Swedish Holland-Dozier-Holland, Martin created gems like "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys, "It's Gonna Be Me" by NSync, and "...Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. These were songs that made unpretentious critics admit they were pretty good pop songs, even if they weren't performed by the most legitimate acts.

When the teen pop bubble burst, Martin proved he could do more than straight up bubble gum pop and co-wrote "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi and "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Martin seemed destined for a place in the pantheon of songwriting greats, but then "I Kissed A Girl" happened. Katy Perry's trashy, gimmicky breakthrough was co-written by Martin and somehow managed to reach No. 1 across the globe. That was quickly followed by the faux-hardcore worthless "So What" by Pink, and the "Since U Been Gone" lite "My Life Would Such Without You" by Kelly Clarkson which followed suit and topped the charts in the United States.

Spears left Martin as she sought to rid herself of her teeny-bopper image but, considering the hits he was popping out as of late, it was inevitable the two would get back together. The result was "If U Seek Amy", an excuse for a controversy and the lamest thing she has ever recorded.

Now we can add "3" to this list of horrendous tracks. They all have a few things in common besides being bad. The lyrics are terrible, often trying too hard to be edgy or controversial, the synthesizers sound like they were bought at the dollar store, and people don't seem to mind and they buy them from iTunes like it was going out of fashion. If "3" goes No. 1, I'll be devastated and Max Martin will continue to pump out this filth.

...Actually...I take that back. I'm rooting for anything that can end our national nightmare and knock the Black Eyed Peas off of the Hot 100, even if Max Martin wrote it.

3 comments:

Bronson said...

It kind of reminds me of Low by FloRida except with a shot of estrogen.

hun*ter said...

It does have that "Low" quality doesn't it? I hate Flo Rida too.

Constance Marie said...

I agree about that song. It makes absolutely no sense, and the music video is retarded.

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